The Ism

07:04 pm: Of course, it all made sense, but then nothing made sense...
One thing I can solve is 1/6 of a Rubix's Cube. I can do that. Possibly I could do some other stuff, but I'm not always so sure. Sometimes I think I've 2/6's but it usually turns out that I've simply solved a different 6th while unmaking the one I solved first. But these breakthroughs come in 6's so that while I may only be able to solve 1/6 at a time I know that in a manner of speaking I can still solve an entire Rubix's Cube. And of course much of that same principal is probably applicable to the rest of life as well.

So if I can identify for myself six problems at any given time I should be able to a). solve one of those problems which in turn would allow me to b). solve another one of those problems while revealing a new problem in place of the last one I solved but ultimately leads to the satisfaction of c). knowing that I will eventually solve all of the six problems while comfortably ignoring d). the six new problems that emerge one after the next over my course of problem solving.

See, much less problematic then before when I had definite problems.

12:41 am: And then there were two..
Things:1). The customer was trying to return an open DVD package in which only one of the discs was at all messed up and even then the damage was debatable. (What the companies want you to do in this situation is take the messed up disc, place it in an envelope and mail it directly to the company with a letter explaining the damage and requesting a replacement - I have seen companies post this request, I am not making it up)... but Megastore will offer a direct exchange if you have the receipt within fourteen days of the original purchase, except we're sold out of the title he bought, so after calling the manager I tell him
- I can give you store credit for the return now, and then when the title comes in you'll have the gift card and you can come in and redeem it for the item.
and he says
- but what if the price goes up between now and then... that credit is useless to me.
- the price is locked, it won't go up.
- but I'll be gone for the next month who knows if you'll even have the title.
- we try our best to keep this title in stock, we should still have it in a month.
- but the price will have gone up.
- it's locked. It won't go up.
- I don't know what locked means. You want me to keep this gift card and then I'll come back here in a month and if you do have the item it will cost more.
- if there is a price differential the item will be cheaper it's fixed price is $59.99.
- why can't you just give me the direct refund.
- I am sorry sir, but I'm bound by store policy, I don't have the clearance to do that, this really isn't that complicated.
To which he amped up
- I realize what you're saying to me is that giving me a refund will be really inconvient for you and make your day even worse than it is already and you could potentially get in trouble because you're supposed to act as a buffer between jackasses like me and your managers so that they never have to actually deal with jackasses like me in person, but how is that my problem?

Really he only said the first and last bits of that sentence, but he said them a few times and damn if he didn't really imply the rest.

2). Empire Records is now playing in our electronics department and it certainly reminds me of the Saturday mornings when I'd stumble across a back-to-backing of it on UPN or Vh1 or something and watch it and dream of working in a record store, how cool would that have been? I would have been Mark of course (played by the where-did-he-vanish-to?, teen movie idol Ethan Embry) and I would have danced around the bins filing and sorting and singing to my hearts content and being the goofy nice guy who never even had a chance with any of the wicked hot girls who I worked with because every other guy I worked alongside of was somehow way more badass and datable than myself but somehow that wouldn't have affected my outlook too much because I would have been more involved with the fantasy of how the band I was about to start would be topping the charts in mere weeks and damn if that didn't seem like the best workplace environment ever. Now, I work (somewhat) in a record store - I am still dreaming.

11:10 pm: It's that time again!
So I'm in the Berkeley semis once again... and I urge and implore you to come out and support. Support me, yes, but also all the other talented folks (and maybe some who could use a little honing of their talent) who are also in it. (But mostly come and support me).

For those who still need the info, you can watch me get robbed(! just razzin') at the Starry Plough on Shattuck Ave. at Prince St. in South Berkeley, one block above the smaller parking lot next to the Ashby BART station at Eight thirty in the p.m. all though I would suggest coming earlier, all it costs you is eight dollars and of course your first born child or if you do not plan to have children an adopted child of your choosing.

Please come, I do not often brag or boast about what I do - because admittedly Def Poetry Jam and staid formulaic work that is none-the-less successful has made me feel somewhat humble about the only artistic outlet I've so far mastered (except I totally haven't mastered it) - but now I say unto you: attend! Free yourself from your couch for an evening, and replace it with a different couch shaped oddly enough like a chair in the Starry Plough! You know you want to be in the 'we was robbed!' chant in the morning.

01:07 am: A long day for shorthand notation...
1. Pretty sure, I was up and going by nine o'clock. Now it's one, it's not even the same day and I'm just winding down. The allergies rode in today. The meanest of ornery bastards. They have thoroughly kicked me in the face.

2. Did you know we have grandparents solely so that someone will be able to make the creamy-colored derivation of jell-o and then casserole it into a jiggly fruit and milk and gelatin filled masterpiece?

3. Garin (spl?) park is lovely - I have stood near so many cows in the last two days it is a wonder I have not yet had my teeth kicked out. Mooooooo! Cows, I lurves you.

4. The instant message is a weird beast. I got hit with two very unexpected instants near the morning hours. One of them I called immediately upon leaving the interweb to leave a message confirming phone numbers, why I couldn't have done this in the message instantly, I do not know.

5. Somebody attacked me on the BART.

Okay, that's not really the total of that. But I just want that portion to stand out - actually they slapped the seat next to me while my eyes were covered with the sleeve of my jacket and my headphones were in full rock the outside world into submission mode. The dude who had resumed a seat across from me in the time it took me to break out of my distenciation asked me if I had heard what he said.
"No." - I responded rather groggily, trying not to sneeze (half of the reason for my total retreat in the first place).
"Shut up!" He shouted at me.
"What?"
"Did you hear what I said to you?" - the man repeated.
Clearly I didn't... as far as I know I hadn't been making any noise that anyone else could hear. All the other people around me were as confused as I was - except they weren't closing their eyes in hopes of focusing their mucus to stay in their nasal passages. The dude later apologized, but like it wasn't exactly like he could take back his being a total dick moment. That card was stuck on the table.

6. Dolores Park was insane. Something about the weekend heat turns that place into a gravity well for people. Just crazy... so many dancing/biking/dogging/tightrope-walking... but it's so nice, so relaxing... I really should spend more time there just being lazy.

7. Mangoes equal delicious.

8. The glass I bought at the Goodwill store to replace the glass I broke at home almost made it there - except it was attacked, and had to be interred outside the voice factory.

9. I'm sure somebody will take offense but SF's slam is too damn long. I left before it ended and was home just before midnight. Not right, I tell you. On the other hand that show seems to bring out the best performances the bay is being given. Slammers, features, sacrificials, all of 'em - they are just better at SF... I just wish I could stay to the end without my head wanting to implode.

( 10. This is just dumb. )

12:46 am: Wiidundant...
The thing I like most about Wii boxing is that I walk away hours later feeling like I just worked every muscle in my back, my arms sag like chopped down vines, my hands ache - it's a good pain. Maybe I'm not actually working out when I'm in full swing mode but I feel like I should be. And that's what's so great about it.

The thing I dislike most about Wii boxing is that I walk away minutes after the round is over feeling like I just fell through a black hole, everything in me is winded and crushed. I've got nothing left in the well. The day is shot after two, maybe three rounds.

Of course, then there's my friend whose Mii is lying unconscious in the ring because of the devastating effects of my right hook, and there's no way I'm walking away without at least granting him a Wii-match.

12:54 am: Noted..
Every time I try to write about music it becomes, essentially, a combination of film genres, locations, and words that don't exist. I describe musical phrases as blippy, crunchtastic, and wobble-filled. I sum up my favorite artists the way people pitch movies - like Hard Candy meets Young Frankenstein. Absolutely terrible at it, and I work at a music store (sort of), where I'm supposed to sell music to people (supposedly). But the catch is I listen to a lot of music - by which I mean new albums, new bands, every week - hundreds of songs passing over my ears, and sometimes things strike me enough that I want to share them with others.

And then I remember my big secret weakness, my lack of true musical knowledge, the reason I will never be able to actually pass at being an indie-kid, this cursed lack of a musically descriptive tongue.

And then I stumble past that and do something like this:

I picked up Prints' self-titled album in Normal for six dollars - the shop had a promo copy of the album for a dollar and I'm now kicking myself for not snatching that up too. Their overall vibe is pretty much summed up in their name and the fabric swatch style of the album cover - like drifting through the tropical wear section of a vintage clothing store. But there's one song in particular - the last track on the album appropriately titled 'End' - which has struck me over the head with its sound landscape; a complete beguiling transfixing experience in pseudo-pop music that I can not get over. Free of words, it feels to me like the embodiment of those paleo-futures I have become so fascinated with: a jazzed-up synth filled future of the 1980's, the dystopic, urbane blight of Blade Runner, the electric green sex that emanated from the computer screen directly before the onset of the Apple II, filled with weird melodious singing and chirping and Darryl Hannah or Sean Young at their most replicant-y. I know there's no way I'm doing it justice, still I just wanted to try and open my brain while the words are still there (kind of).

08:38 pm: Hey Chicago!
Guess who comes to you in like - three days?

That would be me, also guess who does not have a place to stay right off the bat? Me, also. If any body might want to offer me a couch or piece of floor for a day or two Sunday and perhaps Monday that would be awesomes.

I head down to Normal in the midweek and probably won't return until my flight home or close to it, but if someone wants to spread the kindness over the first day or two of my trip that would be wonderfuls.

10:50 pm: Thoughts about couchsurfing...
By which I mean how many of you are aware of couchsurfing.org? How many of you have used it? What are your thoughts/experiences? I kind of want to be a member, but I a). have not the ability to offer my couch to people readily and b). fear the possibility of being disliked by people from an entirely different country - it's enough to be disliked by people here. Which is to say - I don't know if I am a good enough person to be a member of such a project that requires a basic trust in mankind; somethings that asks you to think the best of people. I don't know if I can always do that, if I can ever do that.

This is motivated though because I have a couple of 'friends' for lack of better terms that have used or continue to use couchsurfing and seem to really like it. Granted these are also people who have the freedom to travel and not just small travel - like tomorrow I will travel to Oakland - but mind-blowing-halfway-across-the-globe-and-then-some travel. It is becoming rapidly apparent I have not such travel experiences, as of now I'm not really sure if I ever will.

11:41 pm: Two truths and a lie... or an extra truth...
1. Peeps season is upon us, and as such I find myself frequenting the various Walgreens and Rite Aid's in search of the new crop of Peeps freshly hatched. The one that blew my mind this year? A sort of Peepspop that comes in a three pack, each one boasting its own flavor - Strawberry (artificial flavoring), Vanilla (artificial flavoring), and Marshmallow (artificial flavoring). Except that Peeps are authentically comprised of marshmallow, aren't they?

2. My new favorite vice - Meiji brand Chelsea Yogurt Scotch! This stuff is incredible, I had no clue there even was such a thing as yogurt scotch, now I am steadily building towards a pack a day addiction. This must be how smoking works. Except my breath is way more awesomer.

( 3. Is it a truth is it a lie? You'll have to click to find out. )

02:01 pm: Toast by Wolf, an excerpt, page 236...
Furious gusts of steam were venting from the creature's nostrils accompanied by the vague sent of toasted bread. The drool running along the creatures gums had the appearance of melted butter, but the overall countenance of the beast was something Desmond still couldn't quite reason. Indeed it had a pale shimmer about it - almost the trace elements that it had, at one point, been human.

Without removing his eyes from the glowing embers that had held him fast, Desmond snuck his hand to the inside of his pocket hoping to feel out an advantage. The beast howled, or it might have been more like braying, it was a call that shook across Desmond's body like a fever, warm and terrible. Now secure in his stance Desmond withdraw from his pocket a kazoo, it had been a party gift from an old colleagues birthday, a novelty item he had taken with him, and of course now he was surprised to find he had it at all. But the snapping jaws of the creature in front of him quickly broke him of that feeling and clapped him back to the terror standing him down. It was close now, and the smell rising from the creature was certainly that of freshly warmed bread.

On instinct more than anything else, Desmond placed the kazoo in his mouth and blew with all the breath he could muster. It was a daring gambit and it incensed the beast, save for poor Desmond there was only the slightest hint of sound, a gasp - maybe his own - or a putter like a car engine dying. The creature was on him now and his feet, no longer under the control of his thoughts, had begun kicking wildly out of some pure survival instinct known only to creatures who have stood atop the very pointed teeth of death and yet lived. A foot struck the creature's nose and for a moment the smell of toast receded in the air and in that moment a cloud lifted in Desmond's mind and it was long enough to remember how to operate a kazoo.

12:26 am: Stephen goes to the movies!
The Other Boleyn Girl aside from being one of those movies that has word that is easy to mispronounce in its title, is a surprisingly mediocre movie. The type which has nothing to really attack and sadly nothing to champion either. It's the kind of movie I just don't see as much as I might once have. Usually every film I take in is instantly polarized to one of two camps; they are all in some way filled with the love it or hate it nature. But not the Other Boleyn Girl, I saw it, I was restless, but the actresses are pretty, the costumes are kind of neat, and Bana is well Bana, and in the end I just didn't care. I didn't feel that my time had been wasted and I didn't particularly feel as though I'd gotten my money's worth.

Alas it is February and most of the great films are still slipping through the cracks. I really want to see the Hungarian abortion film. And I'm eagerly awaiting Snow Angles receiving some kind of distribution here. And there's Be Kind Rewind which I probably should have seen tonight instead of Natalie Portman and Eric Bana, but I didn't.

Instead after watching the movie I went back to my house, and back my paper, which I should be writing... it's not finished. I jotted out some scene notes, one of which came to me while taking in the movie I saw in theaters, and a couple of which came to me while I watched the film for the fifth time in two days because I'm awesome like that. The commentary track by the way was done by this guy: Neil Sinyard. It's great, he teaches film studies in the UK, that is not so great, for me.

03:17 pm: Proof that I'm really not an indie kid...
There's this Dave Bazan song "Cigarettes and Cold Beer" where he sings this line that is either "what a cruel God we've got" or "what a cool God we've got" and I can't figure out which one he is saying... the confusion is compounding because he follows it with a break-down of "right on"'s which totally support the 'cool God' idea, and yet none of the rest of the song supports that. Plus I know the guy is pretty solidly Christian so he might really think of God as cool. It could happen. But, what I intend with all this is for someone to answer this for definitively.

Then there's the paper I have to write for film noir, and I'm working on it... but it is slow going. And I still have to write a scene for my short format class using Final Draft - and I wanted to go bowling Tuesday, but I don't think it will happen.

Also I live in the bay area and there's a definite music scene here and yet by and large most of the bands I know and really enjoy do not come from here. Why is that? Why am I so not a fan of most of my local music? Why do spend so much time listening to acts from Seattle and Portland and Silverlake? And I maybe listen to Mia and Jonah some of the time, constantly lament the disappearance of the Pattern, and wonder why most of the rock bands in the bay are of the Punk, Hardcore, and Metal variety.

01:29 pm: Working on it...
Just in case I don't put the word out there enough, and especially because I am closing tonight, and because every day I there is a day in which I meet at least one more asshat in the world, and because last night at like five minutes to midnight - when we were supposed to have closed the second floor already some bitch came up the escalator and spent two minutes looking for Pinky and the Brain because that kind of crap can't wait on your ass being unable to realize that other people in the world don't actually want to be where they are but have very little choice in the matter because if they do not manage some form of income then they are basically making ramen stretch for days at a time and yet you are willing to shove your dvd in their face after they have begged you to come back tomorrow when the store is not closing so that they can be home before one in the morning and yet these people never get it - I hate my job, a lot, actually.

09:24 pm: Nostalgelerium...
Something I've been really hurting for in my fever state, besides all kinds of food stuffs - notably pepperoni pizza, is family features. Animated films that are probably intended for kids but which is really just a nice way of saying completely safe for anyone to watch. And I do mean animated. I own a chunk of the Disney catalog. I've been watching through them over the last few days interspersed with French crime flicks... but I want more than just Disney's impressive but thematically weak oeuvre. I want those weird sleeper films like the Thief and the Cobbler which were never adequately finished but have gained a cult status from their animation being off the chain. I want the Chuck Jones adaptations like Riki Tiki Tavi which are like the Looney Tunes if you replaced the jokes with poignancy. I want the book translations like Watership Down which totally soften the source material but who cares. I want those Don Bluth flicks like All Dogs go to Heaven that should never have been seen by children but were. I want potentially bad movies that have somehow earned my respect for their use of traditional two dimensional animation styles and techniques like the Princess and the Goblin even though I know little to nothing about the actual story.

I want the Incredibly Journey which I think is also called Story of a Forest but I don't exactly remember, because it's been so long since I've seen it (edit: clearly I don't remember this well enough at all, the Incredible Journey has nothing to do with what I'm talking about other than that the film was about an incredible journey... in a forest, undertaken by forest creatures one of which, I'm pretty sure was a hedgehog. Basically my dad rented this from Five Star Video in Kensington, when it was it's own store front and not operating out of the ass of Young's Market, and we watched together or maybe I watched it by myself and then I watched it again, and again, and again, and I loved it, but for the life of me I cannot think of what it was called but it was on home video in the very early '90's so it had to have been in theaters before like '92 if it made it to theaters at all... I do not believe that it is Once Upon a Forest but I could be wrong. Someone should help me solve this issue), but I remember it being amazing, and I don't care if it turns out to be something like the Neverending Story where I'll never be able to have the original emotional experience I had with it because now it seems kind of overblown and corny! I still like the Neverending Story dammit! I still yell at Bastion when the nothing is eating the kingdom, and I still feel bad for Artax... so with that said give me my childhood back on film already - I deserve it.

10:52 pm: Pointing out some bullets...
- One thing I hate, is when you cough the shit out of your throat right before you try and go to sleep so there's no possible way you'll be able to swallow comfortably for the next half-hour, that? I hate that.

- The current season of Lost rocks my socks off! It really does... I thought the show had picked up after a stumble out the gate last year, but this season so far has everything turned to eleven. How much I do enjoy the characters of Daniel and Miles? So much so that I don't totally hate Charlotte for not being more ethnic. What does that even mean? You'd have to watch the second the episode. But wow. Okay.

- This is possibly the best description of the inner workings of a nerd mind I have ever seen. I know that often Vice specializes in the trashy or abusive, but to quote Colbert I just can't deny the truthiness of it.

- Cheesy enough, but Beauty and the Beast still gets me a little misty eyed.

- Okay, have I not mentioned Muppets? Because while indeed it is true that Muppets do not appear in every movie ever made, they should.

12:32 pm: How to...
Can someone maybe give me tips on how one would write a detective story? I'm pretty sure it's one of those things that you have to work backwards on but I don't really know. Except I kind of want to take a crack at it so um, any tips would be appreciated.

09:00 pm: Plug it in...
Not doing anything Monday? You should consider attending the 505 (idiolexicon) poetry series. It's February 11th at 8 p.m. Boxcar Playtheater 505 Natoma st. San Francisco CA, $7 dollars. I'm reading in it. And there's musics and raps. And awesomes. Attend, you will like yourself more.

12:17 am: What's funniest about the Oscar nominations...
This is a long essay I decided it would be worth writing. It sums up a lot of my feelings on the comedy hits and snubs made by the Academy this year. If you like movies, or like having opinions I recommend it. If you read it and have issue with it, that's great too. I'd definitely love to hear responses to it. But I understand if you don't have the time/inclination. Either way I'm sure there'll be more of these to come.


( For of all that, here it is. )

01:00 am: Tell me agrout it...
So back when I was a student at Vista Community College, now renamed Berkeley City College, there was this little graffiti meme that had struck several bathrooms where people would write titles and phrase which contained the word 'grout' subbed in for either 'great' or rhymes with 'out'.

I never really got it, I just accepted it as something unique to that school, and its bathrooms.

Then at state I noticed it again, several different bathrooms around campus, with maybe just a few 'grout' scrawls contained discretely on their walls.

Has anyone else seen this thing? Does anyone else know what it means or what it refers to? Is this just some unexplainable local niche thing, or do other cities have these 'grout'ings appearing in public restrooms?

11:52 am: While I'm normally against lolcat typology...
This image can not be denied!

moar funny pictures