The Ism

06:13 pm: Current sechdule for February...
I realize this is a bit advanced but it's mostly so I have a place to put all this since I am starting to have issues tracking it.

- Feb. 1st, Fly into Chicago at Midway (need to look into housing options for the night, then take train to Normal next day for...)
- Feb. 2nd, Normal Slam, Normal Il. (hopefully I will be staying with Shanny and will drive back up to Chicago the next night for...)
- Feb. 3rd, Encyclopedia Show, Chicago Il. (again need to find housing for the night, wake up earlier the next morning for...)
- Feb. 4th, flight from Chicago to Philadelphia, (leaves at 9am, get's in around noon), somehow make it to Long Branch, New Jersey for Loserslam.
- Feb. 5th, Manchester?
- Feb. 6th - 8th, nothing yet...
- Feb. 9th, Urbana, New York Ny.
- Feb. 10th, Spotlight set at the Cantab, Boston Ma.
- Feb. 11th, noting yet (possibly Providence? might not be possible)
- Feb. 12th, Yale!
- and so on, returning/extending my tour... we'll see.

01:48 am: Book it...
A second note about the library - in loving them so much as I have been doing, I went to the main branch today only to see that it was closed! Why? Due to Veteran's Day of all things! Isn't the whole point of this day honoring those people who sacrificed to protect our freedoms? And what is more free than a library? Love is hard.

03:31 am: Check it out y'all, che-check it out...
I am loving the libraries.

02:44 am: Modern ettiquitte...
As I approach the line the woman is grouching about something. Calling someone an asshole. She's probably in her fifties, but maybe younger than that, her hair's gray but not ancient gray. She's also incredibly overweight and leaning heavily on the cart. As she rails about how people are crowding her or bumping into her or something, and about this one asshole in particular.

I don't find it the least bit odd, because she's already addressed me earlier, when I was in the process of maneuvering a flat cart back towards the common room in the rear of the store and she yelled at me aggressively, "hey guy!" and asked if a co-worker of mine was on shift that day. And as I tried to think about it, she gave me a look of utmost disrespect - the how stupid are you look - and made a disparaging comment to the effect of, if you don't then why are you wasting my time? Odd because she had asked me the question.

But when the guy in line about two people behind her, asked her rather politely to not curse, because it is after all a family store and he had a his kids with him, and she offered the most disgustingly rude remark of the day I couldn't help but not make the effort to say excuse me as I passed. Which I certain upset her more as she continued on her tirade about assholes.

And I wanted to say, 'you know, Mrs., everyone else is handling the line like adults, complete with the understanding that the store is crowded and one may or may not wind up uncomfortably close to another at some point however briefly while you all shuffle forward. But since you happen to be too fat to not be encroaching on everyone else and since you are too rude and impatient to handle a five minute wait in line I would encourage you to never shop in our store again regardless of who you know that works here.'

Sadly, the customer is always right. So yes, even when I'm trying my best not to think it... my job always sucks.

02:03 pm: Boo-ya...
Since the only thing I really do different on Halloween is watch more horror movies and stuff myself on candy I figure I can at least open up a dialogue on this. I'm watching the Shining and eating Reese's. Later I might watch some David Cronenburg flicks, the Brood and Scanners probably.

Tell me, what are your go to horror films? Sweeten it up a bit by adding in your favorite candy! People, by which I mean myself, want to know.

07:32 pm: Your challenge, should you choose to accept it...
You have been challenged to a multi-stage duel.

Preceding the duel you must visit a twenty-four hour mega-mart to purchase supplies. You will need one can of body spray the choice is yours and we shall say nothing more, however, be aware that this item will have large repercussions in later stages of the duel. Also if you can purchase some of those noise makers that you smash on the ground that would be useful as well. Don't forget to buy us a lemonade, the duel starts early in the morning and continues well into the day - we are quite certain we will be parched.

The duel will begin promptly at dawn the next day in a potato field, you and your opponent shall start back to back, before taking twenty paces each and looking for slingshots which have been left on the ground next to a pile of five rotting potatoes. You shall be requested to use the potatoes as your ammunition. Be forewarned: they smell really bad, sort of like a manure concentrate, also they are rather moist and slimy. Their intense pungency will make them easy to find however, so hopefully you shall no problem locating the slingshot. Hanging onto the contents of your stomach though, that will be difficult.

Following the potatoes at twenty as it shall be known, your hands (and more than likely the rest of your body depending on the skill of your opponent) will be smelling right awful. You'll probably have an overwhelming urge to run to the stream that is nearby the duel sight. Don't worry we have worked this into the duel as the second stage! While trying to clean yourself up be sure to remember to search the water for a good solid fish. You'll need to grab one every once in a while as your opponent and you will be made to fight fish to fish in the river itself.

As if that wasn't already difficult enough, we're going to go ahead and up the stakes by encasing you and your opponent in a giant circle of honeycomb, which we've dubbed the comb of death, truly apropos given the portion of river you're dueling in is a popular feeding ground for wild grizzly bears. We've been retaining the bears during your initial fish battle but once you've been dangling in the honeycomb for a few moments (hopefully fish still in hand) we are fairly confident the bears will have gathered underneath you in eager anticipation.

Okay, you might be wondering what's this duel about anyway? Honor, silly. In this case the honor of a young Canadian girl whose parents were eaten by two of the very bears circling below you now. We should mention at this point that it was your opponent who dragged your name into this, accusing you of leading the bears to the door of young girls parents! How young is she? Get your mind out of the gutter! She is of a perfect and legal marrying age, and is not willing to believe that you actually had anything to do with the death of her parents. Which is coincidentally why she is on her way to the dueling grounds right now.

Decision time. You can keep wailing away at your opponent with your fish as the bears grow increasingly frustrated by their inability to snack upon the honeycomb. Or you can drop to the ground and face off against the bears mano-a-bearo. Just know that your opponent is working over the same issues in his head. Regardless of how many fish have been slapped against his skull, he knows that if he can bring down the bears below the two of you before they turn their attention to the young Canadian girl he will surely have cemented his own stock in her eyes against yours. You: the guy who was unconcerned about avenging the death of her parents.

But wait. Lest we forget, you are at this point, more than likely a rank, slightly fish-scented, bee-stung, shivering, wreck covered in honey. These bears will eat up you up en mass. Now would be a good time to break out that body spray. Hopefully you've got a good scent on your hands. Hopefully you choose something strong enough to shield your already powerful odor but not too strong, as the Canadian girl you're whose honor you're hoping to restore (and thereby restore your own in the process) is certainly not fond of extreme scents in modern men's perfume. Let's be honest that's effectively what body spray is: cheap perfume, cheap painful perfume.

Good luck. You'll need it.

02:10 am: Baby, it's harder than you think...
The counters at TJ's seem to naturally inhibit conversation, they do their best best to isolate every cashier into their customers and only their customers. And most people play along with this, but every once and a while, I'll find myself next to a co-worker who freely blends their register into mine breaking the isolation a tad and creating a larger space where more people can join into the mutable conversations that strike themselves up out of the necessities that TJ's lengthy line offers in lieu of real gratification.

Today one of my co-workers asked her customer as a lead in, "What are you going to be for halloween?" and the customer replied so deadpan it hurt with honesty, "I'm going as a mom."

After the transaction my co-worker turned and said, "I want to go as a mom for halloween sometime."

To which I replied, only slightly less deadpan, "It's a pretty easy costume. You just get yourself pregnant and then nine months later, you're ready for halloween."

"Yeah," She responded, "but then I'd have to go as that every year."

01:00 am: End trance...
This is a direct quote from the latest 33 & 1/3 book that I finished, Songs in the Key of Life by Zeth Lundy, on the album by Stevie Wonder.

"The inspiration that cultivates true artistic transcendence is just as temporary as the seasons. Good artists can remain good for their entire lives. In other words, passable adequacy is easy to come by and relatively painless to maintain. There's neither significance nor harm to that. The small percentage of artists who transcend the average, however, are allowed only a succinct, measurable amount of time (anywhere from four months to, say, four years) in which to be truly great."

And this is a shorter excerpt from a footnote,

"...there will never be another Stevie Wonder album that will be as creatively transcendent as those made from 1972-1976. Never. I have not foreseen the future, but nevertheless, despite the ridiculous optimism some feel needs flaunting, I am making a statement of irrefutable truth."

I'm less interested in Stevie in specific, so the second quote is only presented for it's gusty, balls-out endnote. The real reason to bring this up is the first quote. Is this true? Music nerds, what do think?

Discuss.

01:28 pm: Style Guide for iWPS: temescaling...
Perhaps the most overlooked part of South Berkeley is its close proximity to North Oakland. For the last few years North Oakland has been experiencing sort of a culinary and cultural renaissance. I know, I know, you are thinking, 'Oakland is that scary place that the news is always reporting homicides in' and you're partially right. But North Oakland has only had like ten violent crimes in the last two years, seriously way less bad. Plus the Temescal district is like less than a thirty minute walk from the Plough - and well worth it, here's a list of reasons why North Oakland kicks the pants off everywhere else.

1. Bakesale Betty
5098 Telegraph Ave.

Sure Bakesale Betty just raised their prices by about $.50 but they still offer the best sandwich in Bay Area: a sublime two pieces of fried chicken topped with an excellent slaw featuring jalapenos and red onions (and seeing as I hate onions, for me to praise something containing them counts high points indeed). Of course Betty offers an egg salad sandwich for the meat-impared as well as an occasional brisket offering, a giant pot pie (it's $25 and worth every penny), and the baked goods that fill the promise of her Bakesale moniker. If you get the chance to go here take it, you'll thank me later.

2. Koryo Sushi
4390 Telegraph Ave.

Koryo is open until one in the morning, which would be awesome in itself, but is enhanced by the fact that the food is of an untouchable quality. Yes, there are bigger, flashier, more 'hip' sushi spots littered around the bay area, but I have yet to find better quality sushi in the East Bay, and open so late at night? Do you see where I'm going with it.

3. Genova Delicatessen
5095 Telegraph Ave.

For those rare instances where Bakesale Betty's is closed, or if you're less interested in chicken sandwiches for some reason, or not feeling like sweet relief in a strawberry shortcake or loaf of banana bread, then Genova is there to catch your fall. Genova rocks incredible sandwiches and an excellent selections of sides as well as tubs of classic Italian gelato and other goods and sundries. Plus attached to Genova is a tiny desert cafe just case the deli wasn't enough.

4. Red Sea Restaurant
5200 Claremont Ave.

There's almost too many Ethiopian restaurants along Telegraph to choose just one, but Red Sea which is technically just off to the side of telegraph is definitely up there in terms of quality, and it's got that whole hidden gem aspect that adds a touch of charm you can sometimes feel on your taste buds. If that's not enough there's a pirate ship and playground directly behind this place, beat that McDonald's.

5. East Bay Center for Creative Reuse
4695 Telegraph Ave.

Okay, I wouldn't recommend eating most of what can be found here, but this place offers a boatload of ideas to jumpstart your inner stitch-n'-bitch. Bottle cork pinboards? Yep. Toilet paper tube string telephones? Done. Go ahead try it. You could always go to the dump, but why bother getting your hands dirty? Plus they've got a bunch of slightly more useful knick-knacks and cool found jewelery and such. Oh and a full library of the Original Star Trek VHS's? They've got that too.

Honorable mentions:
Restaurante Dona Tomas, 5004 Telegraph Ave.
Burma SuperStar, 4721 Telegraph Ave.
La Val's Pizza, 4919 Telegraph Ave.
Asmara, 5020 Telegraph Ave.
Clausen House Thrift Shop, 4834 Telegraph Ave.
Casserole House, 4301 Telegraph Ave.
Koryo Ja Jang, 4390 Telegraph Ave.
Scout, 5026 Telegraph Ave.
Mixing Bowl, 4920 Telegraph Ave.

04:03 pm: Style Guide for iWPS: telegraphing...
Okay, you're in Berkeley it's only natural that you should want to see hippies and free-speech and all that stuff, and you find yourself in downtown and it's surprisingly clean (which is to say, it's not as clean as say the entire midwest, but it looks pretty nice and neat compared to what one might think of hippies and their ilk), where's all the tie-dye? Where are the head-shops, the white-rastas, the grungy tattoo parlors? Telegraph, of course, which thankfully is only about ten minutes east of downtown Berkeley - (I advise the brief stroll up Center st. through Sather Gate). Granted Telegraph isn't quite as hippy-riffic as it once was, but it's still got the goods, moreover though Telegraph boasts some of the best food, record, book, and yes, vintage clothing stores in the East Bay. Here are five spots worth checking out.

1. Amoeba Records
2455 Telegraph Ave.

Having worked at the ill-fated Virgin Megastore for it's last two years of existence, I can honestly say, never once did I turn my back on Amoeba. Why would I? It's way better. Okay so they didn't ever give me a job there, I can forgive that though - some of the Amoeba folk do not look healthy - and this is from someone who worked with the Megastaff... but as far as entertainment shops go, Amoeba crushes everyone else: new, used, domestic, imports, every genre you can think of, plus a few you probably don't know existed, red-tag sections all over the place, vinyl, games, rarities, and more deals than you'll know what to do with. Granted - it's not really safe to assume you can browse without buying, but then again, "mama said it just a little white lie which don't hurt nobody."

2. Mars Mercantile & Sharks Vintage
2398 & 2505 Telegraph Ave. (respectively)

Sister stores that dress in completely opposite styles. Yes Buffalo exchange is a little further down the block, but it really works better in the exchange sense. These two locals have set up to be a trap for anyone avoiding the forward thinking fashion of the mall in favor of the retro-fashion of the mall in the seventies. 'Nuff said, probably you either understand and appreciate shopping in these little vintage walk-in-closets or you hate the notion of 'hipsters' and all they represent and deny, deny, deny... either way there comes a moment in every writer's life when they need to put a luchador mask on to better understand the character of El Santo Demonico - the possessed crime-fighting luchador from Tijuana.

3. Steve's Korean Bar-B-Que
2521 Durant Ave.

Really, you could pick anyone of the twelve or so restaurants offering such diverse fare as Thai, Vietnamese, Sushi, Chinese, Donuts, Italian, or Middle Eastern, and not go wrong. But my personal fave is the Korean Bar-B-Que which is basically a pile of meat and some rice hidden beneath it. Plus all the spicy sauce you require. It's not Bar-B-Que in the American sense hence the Korea, and while it's true that its nestled at the very back of the collection of aforementioned eateries, affectionately known as the Asian Ghetto, and therefore somewhat hard to make a solid beeline for if you're exceptionally hungry. The portion to price ratio really can't be beat. Well worth it. And open pretty late too.

4. Yogurt Park
2433A Durant Ave.

This place is brilliant, a constantly changing assortment of flavors, a ridiculous amount of toppings, and a price point that makes sense, and also makes you worry about your waistline. Don't! It's yogurt, just frozen and in copious amounts. Okay, maybe worry a little.

5. Moe's Books
2476 Telegraph Ave.

Moe's is a towering four story plus basement bookstore that really might as well be a book archive of sorts. With the upper levels accessible by creaky elevator or cramped stairwell and all of them stuffed with the same musty air. It can be a heady place for a bookstore novice, fear not, the basement is home to all the fiction and new arrivals, so you can look around without feeling like you're spelunking (except going upwards instead of down). Still explorers should get a kick out of making their way towards the rare books section (kind of Harry-Potter-ish, but not) and scuttling through the sheer acreage of books on things like history, philosophy, and cooking, which fill the upper levels.

01:55 am: Style Guide for iWPS: going downtown
Most likely, barring frugality or an extreme love of couch surfing, you will be staying somewhere in Berkeley, probably downtown (because staying off of San Pablo is scary) and more than likely at the Hotel Shattuck, which happens to be the host hotel for this shindig. And more than likely you will find yourself therefore downtown late one night or early the next morning and wonder, "Where do I go? What's there to do around here?" A question immediately answered with a plethora of choices, so overwhelming as to make choices in the mind-states that accompany those twin-ends of the day spectrum daunting. But do not fear - for while I certainly can't (and won't) cover everything, the style guide is here to sort out some really awesome spots right there in the downtown Berkeley area.

1. Au Coquelet
2000 University Ave.

Au Coquelet is sort of a wonderful combination of brilliant and face/palm. It's brilliant for being open until one and for its half cafe / half restaurant setup and for its little tarts and sweets and because it really is one of the best writing spots in the downtown Berkeley area, fostering both hard studying students and earnests groups of writers (which have indeed been composed of local poets before). But it's face/palmy in the prices and the slightly tacky feel one gets if they move too far into the restaurant area itself. Whatever, I say! Plunge in, the breakfasts will fill you up, and the comfort of getting a hearty meal around midnight is as warming as the food itself.

2. Jupiter
2181 Shattuck Ave.

Pizza and beer! Jupiter is a pub that does both really well, and has managed to be on and off incredibly poet friendly employing them and or occasionally buying them drinks (a bit of side-story). The pizza is solid and the beer selection is (from what I've been told) ridiculously impressive, but the real secret to Jupiter's success is the giant outdoor patio in the back which plays host to bands and or film screenings from time to time and is moreover just generally fantastic in its atmosphere. Plus since they rock both pizza and beer their hours tend to work well on either side of the sun.

3. Half Price Books & Comic Relief
2036 & 2026 Shattuck Ave. (respectively)

We all love to read, even if we're bad at it and require pictures. Thankfully Berkeley provides, and even though it's not quite as chock full of bookstores as it once was, downtown boasts both an incredible bookstore (in Half Price) and a none-to-shabby comic shop (in Comic Relief) right next door to one another. Half Price true to its name boasts both new and (mostly) used books all slashed half cover price or below, and that's not all. While their book selection is vast they also carry a selection of cds, dvds, and even computer games, in case reading sounds to time consuming. Comic Relief right next door does the same kind of deal for the nerdier set - with a pretty solid back issue selection and one of the most comprehensive trade paperback collections to ever find its way onto shelves (seriously, they somehow manage to carry books that are oft out of print everywhere else).

4. E-Z Stop Deli
2233 Shattuck Ave.

There's a beautiful simplicity to E-Z Stop's no frills approach. All the various needs of a mini mart met? Check. There's breakfast fare in the form of cellophane wrapped muffins in the front, beverages galore, a solid candy bar selection, even a tiny freezer case with ice-cream sandwiches and popsicles. But wait, it's also a deli, and man do they go about being a deli in the best ways possible, nothing fancy, just large sandwiches piled with things you actually want on them like meat and cheese. They do have a rotating special which is pretty much always under five dollars and a kickass reuben, because those sorts of things make you feel great about your choices in life. Then again choosing E-Z Stop Deli is pretty easy.

5. Gelateria Naia
2106 Shattuck Ave.

Oh gelato! We get it, you are not ice cream, now be in my mouth already! Thus is Gelateria Naia placed perfectly in downtown Berkeley to be open late into the evenings serving up far too many flavors to even begin trying to list here. Let it be known there's usually a case of fruit flavored gelatos and sorbettos followed by a handful of chocolates and caramels a fancy vanilla or two and then another case of more adventurous selections like black sesame and white pepper. Probably something that has to be tried to appreciated, the folks at Naia are so accommodating that you sometimes worry that you could fill up on samples before coming to a decision and they might let you. Gelateria Naia also has a smaller sister lounge on Berkeley campus which isn't open as late but does host Calslam from time to time, get the jump on those college kids for once by hitting up the original first.

Honorable mentions because I've only got so much space:
Biryani House, 2011 Shattuck Ave.
Punjabi by Nature, 2136 Oxford St.
Zabu Zabu, 1919 Addison St.
La Cascada Taqueria, 2164 Center St.
Top Dog, 2160 Center St.
Angeline's Louisiana Kitchen, 2261 Shattuck Ave.
Plearn Thai Restaurant, 1923 University Ave.
Brazil Fresh Squeeze Cafe, 2161 University Ave.

02:32 am: Style Guide for iWPS: southbound...
Let's face it. There's a lot of stuff in the Bay Area, even when it seems like there's not a lot of stuff... one of the challenges of the particular block of Shattuck between Price and Woolsey is at first it doesn't seem like there's much else there. While the pizza at the Starry Plough itself is certainly passable, the food in general is pretty much an afterthought for sustenance only - but don't give up hope, just a few blocks in any direction unlocks wonders. Without further ado, here are five great spots to eat and one more spot to go in and around South Berkeley:

1. The Smokehouse
3115 Telegraph Ave.

Walk up from Shattuck to Telegraph and look to the right, The Smokehouse at first looks kind of like a badly built open air shack. But with its new paint job and beautiful Coke sign it still rings true to what it is; and what it is, is a seriously delicious dive burger joint. Cheap too as one can easily load up with an amazing burger and solid fries for under five dollars. Add in milkshakes that come thick in like twenty different flavors for about $2.50 and a closing time of somewhere around one p.m. and you've got the perfect place for burger junkies. I mean you could walk the extra block to Jack 'n the Box, but why bother?

2. Kirala
2100 Ward St.

Often tagged the best sushi in the East Bay, Kirala is just a ten blocks north of the Plough on Shattuck right before it runs into Adeline. And while it doesn't look like much from the outside it certainly earns its rep. There's almost always a wait, but that doesn't mean you can't chill in the back sake lounge which offers a full compliment of appetizers and drinks until a table or a couple seats at the sushi bar are ready. Kirala doesn't go in for crazy rolls or inventive stuff, instead they mainly care about serving you the best cuts of mouthwatering fish - toro that melts in your mouth like butter, hamachi that sings a ballad to your tongue as you swallow, fresh salmon that makes jews envious. Sure it can get a bit pricey, it is sushi - but what better way to celebrate than by spoiling yourself with the best?

3. Crixa Cakes
2748 Adeline St.

This little bakery nestled along Adeline takes about as long to walk to as Kirala, thankfully, it's just as worthwhile if not more so, as even window gazing can do wonders to your stomach. The cakes tend wind up a bit on the pricey side - but damn are they worth it. And while I can't vouch for it myself, I've been told they brew the best cup of coffee in this hemisphere.

4. Taqueria La Familia
2971 Shattuck Ave.

Just past Ashby is this excellent little burrito shop, while I wouldn't mark it on my top burrito scale (there's just too many competing close enough to make it difficult) it's a completely worthy endeavor and near enough to the Plough and La Pena as to pose the daunting question: how many burrito's can one eat in a day? The answer may lie in the place being cash only and again having a slightly steep cash scale (though it's not bad compared to every other style of cuisine, it just happens that burritos can be had for even less in some other place). Still as far as mexican food goes it makes a strong case against even bothering with Cafe Vilaperso which is why it's here of course, so you know you have other options.

5. The Brick Pig's House
5973 Shattuck Ave.

I am including the Brick Pig's House even though I've never eaten there. Why? For a couple reasons, 1. it is the only barbeque joint in the east bay I have heard raves about, and 2. it might just be the only barbeque joint in the east bay. That last bit's probably not true, but the place, just a few blocks into Oakland, just screams amazing. Seriously, as I'm writing this I'm contemplating why I've never eaten there, seeing as I want to pretty much every time I drive past it. Perhaps iWPS will give me a chance to finally correct this glaring mistake. Who knows. All I'm saying is avoid my ignorance if you can - the Brick Pig's House is squealing for you get sloppy.

And of course for those who like to cook their own food:
The Berkeley Bowl
2020 Oregon St.

This place is on Shattuck just on the other side of Ashby again in that same direction as burritos and sushi and of course the host hotels. It's famous for it's produce and for being a co-op grocer owned (at least in theory) by the people who work there. It's worth checking out though even if you don't really want to bothered with cooking, if only to better understand the whole concept of "Berkeleyness" that has been taken out of context pretty much all over the rest of the country. Since it boasts huge grain dispensaries, a comprehensive meat counter, bakery, and a vast selection of raw and vegan eats too.

01:52 pm: Style Guide for iWPS: a preamble...
I meant to start this a couple weeks ago. But some things do not happen quite so easily so now it is a few weeks from iWPS and I have decided I can wait no longer, this style guide is unofficial because who knows how the actual program will shake out - but this will be about all the stuff I love and recommend in the east bay having lived here some 24 years.

But first off, the big one: Walking! You can actually walk in the Bay Area. Really. One of the best thing about the bay is the weather allows for a tremendous amount of mobility, mainly sunny, especially in October with a temperature that levels out in the mid-80's, and typically ribboned with cool breezes throughout the mid-day, it means that walking around is surprisingly comfortable. Gone is the heat that pulverizes your body like a big slab of meat or the southwest drying out your bones heat. Instead the bay actually has the basic weather patterns that people think of when they of California - there's a reason for the title "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".

With that in mind, the first installment is places for walking, I've got five for you:

1. Lake Merritt
Sure the water is kind of brownish-blue, but the lake is set up so right to side of downtown and walk around takes you through a wonderful handful of districts running off to either side. Go too far off the path on the Lakeshore side and you might actually find yourself in the parts of Oakland that make it into the national news, but stick on the path around and the Lake and you'll have a hard time understanding why Oakland gets such a bad rap in the first place.

2. The Albany Bulb
Okay, so you probably have to drive over to the parking lot, but the Albany Bulb which is sort of a landfill made park is one of the coolest spaces in the bay. Every little bush and side path breaks out into some area filled with found sculptures and beautiful graffiti. There's an entire area devoted solely to driftwood sculptures, really this place has to be seen to be understood.

3. Indian Rock
Nestled in the hills in North Berkeley. Indian Rock can be hard to find, but finding it is entirely worthwhile. Jutting up out of the ground and offering one of the best views of the Bay Area including all of SF. Also worth noting is the free climbing that the rock offers on it's north side, though if you're not into chalk you can just trek up the steps carved into the rock on the southern end.

4. The Piedmont Rose Garden
Right off of Grand Avenue (not all that far from Lake Merritt) is the Rose Garden, teared and sculptured and open to the sun. Walking through it's pretty easy to see why there are so many weddings held here, but despite the continual landscaping or maybe because of it, the charm extends far beyond the sheer romantic. Just try not feel kind of awesome sitting on the hill at the on the gardens west side while the terraced fountain makes it's way to pool below you. It's hard to beat.

5. Mountain View Cemetery
So it sounds a little goth to suggest that a cemetery is one of the best places to walk around in the Bay Area, but then Mountain View Cemetery is really a lot more than a place to get in touch with your inner Poe. First off it get's it's name for a reason, it takes a twenty minutes or so to get to the top of the hill but as soon as you do you realize just how much of the Bay Area you can see, and just how beautiful it really is. But Mountain view is filled with subtle nuance and nifty sections, from the giant monuments to Kasier, Gharidelli, and Calvin to the series of ponds on in south-east corner or the main boulevard that runs up the middle of the grounds it is one of the most lovely spaces in the bay. So what that it happens to be shared with a bunch of dead people. Oh, and there's an added bonus of the Chapel of the Chimes Mausoleum a building that was designed in part by Julia Morgan and one of the most fascinating structures in Oakland right out front.

Honorable mention:
Tilden Park
Lake Temescal
Cordenises Park & the Berkeley Rose Garden
and of SF standby's
Golden Gate Park
the Persidio & Crissy Field
Land's End
Glen Canyon Park
and Mount Davidson.

01:45 am: Slicing up your turdokken!
The refrain from unloading what really bothers me continues with this week's substitute rave: the Norton 2010 ad campaigns!

What's great about these ads, is similar to what made the Skittles ads of a few years ago great, irreverence at it's best.

These ads understand that there is a world beyond sex where you can still sell things, that the head-scratching world of whimsy can get down into your skull and stay there, long enough for you to leave your house and pass skittles in your vending machine at work and think to yourself, 'I am so glad I don't have to deal with the sour man for these!'

They stick with you and you pass them off to your friends, everybody shares in this strange new world we live in where the doors of advertising stopped making sense because you were becoming too sensible as a consumer. I can't say that the Norton ads will sell product. But they are brilliant, and what's more they've gone one step further they don't end with "protect your computer from malware" instead they leave you hanging with "Protect your chicken from Dokken."

Truer words of warning are rarely spoke.

11:57 pm: A tale of two trailers...
As you might have guessed I have been from time to time suckered into seeing relatively bad movies (this is an understatement, bear with me) in the theaters based solely on their affiliations with comicbooks. This of course has sent me into several frustrated narrative later on, decrying the films as awful loads of trash that sullied the grand art of comicdom with films designed to do one thing (which enough them do, surprisingly well): leech money off the hard-working public, all of whom deserve more than they are given.

How does this happen though is really the question, how is it a terrible film can manage to dupe someone as astute as myself (or several millions more for that matter)... I believe the answer can be found in looking at two comparative trailers for the same movie. Today's example is X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the first trailer does a rather artful job of cutting around the ludicrous crapfest of a movie that had actually been produced, certainly the trailer doesn't exactly make it seem like the next Citizen Kane (or perhaps a better match would be Jaws) but at least the film doesn't seem like the giant pile of shit it actually is. In case you were wondering how one could have found this out without paying the absurd cost of a eight dollar matinee feature, I will now point out trailer number two.

Note how the slight extension of several scenes does not do them any favors. Here seeing the missile hitting the truck launching Wolverine at the helicopter actually reinforces how retarded that is. (Like asking audiences to believe that one could survive a nuclear bomb at ground zero by hiding inside a lead-lined refrigerator). Had I seen trailer number two before resolving to tackle this beast on it's own terms I would have happily saved eight dollars which might have gone to more servings of indian food at Naan N' Curry, as it is, I was ignorant of terrible over indulgence in explosions and stupidity that took place in the film and had to sit through it.

That was at the top of the this summer (before it kicked off proper, even), but I'm writing about it now having watched both variations of the trailer on two different dvds I rented tonight. Taken a solid film by any stretch, starring the always reliable (and tall) Liam Neeson, uses trailer number one, because they probably realize what kind of audience they're dealing with. But Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li didn't bother to make any bones about who's renting and went right to fat, dumb, beer-gut of America by exploding it up with trailer number two.

Now I'm going to have to watch Punisher: War Zone... brain cells, you will be missed.

11:17 pm: I swear one day I will write something this good myself...
You would think I couldn't be more dissatisfied with my writing if I tried, right? A string of continual poor showings at Berkeley, losing repeatedly to people who perform work I abhor, struggling to write with the kind of smarts or depth that people might actually appreciate, and just coming up empty again and again. As I am working through ideas though - I will sometimes scan iTunes, going so far as to read through their user reviews section where I came upon a poem so moving I felt the need to re-post it here in it's entirely (with a helpful link added in of course for context).

Now let me state that I don't normally post other people poems in my journal, because well, it wouldn't be right. But this work is so powerful, so transcendent, it had to be shared. ( And, yes I consider myself honored to be the one who gets to share it. )

Oh hell yes.

07:44 pm: Outsideplans...
Outsidelands starts tomorrow. For no other reason than sheer indulgence, I'm going to post what artists I will be watching each day in order.

Friday: - Autolux
- (probably) Akron/Family (realistically) pizza.
- Los Campesinos!
- the Dodos
- Silversun Pickups
- the National
- Q-Tip
- Tom Jones
- Pearl Jam

Saturday: - (probably) Infantree (possibly) Albino!
- the Dirtbombs
- Extra Golden
- (probably) Street Sweeper Social Club (possibly) Raphael Saadiq
- Dengue Fever
- Mastodon
- (probably) Os Mutantes (possibly) Bat For Lashes
- TV on the Radio
- Deerhunter
- the Mars Volta
- (possibly) Dave Matthews Band

Sunday: - Big Light
- Cage the Elephant
- (probably) Lenka (possibly) Brent Weinbach
- John Vanderslice
- Matt & Kim
- the Dead Weather
- Modest Mouse
- Ween
- Band of Horses
- Tenacious D, bitch you betta fuckin' run!

Thoughts or comments see below.

08:58 pm: Expecteations...
Sometimes the wait isn't worth it. The best example I can give here would be the Star Wars prequil trilogy. When I first learned about the prequils I was filled with excitement... I didn't even know what they would consist of but I knew they would be awesome: crazy space-worlds, lightsabers, and lots of Jedi.

And then they were released - and while they kind of had that going on, mostly they were really terrible. Like everything I thought I wanted but suffering from extreme retardation or something. Unable to effectively communicate what had happened, I, like several others, resorted to serious bouts of muck-racking and name-calling. Decrying George Lucas for his failure to listen to his own set-up and execute it.

So it was with some hesitation that I cracked into a pint of Reed's ginger green tea ice cream, a product I had learned about several years ago, coinciding with my first purchase of Reed's ginger brews in the four pack, but had never seen.

Simple concept: green tea, possibly still my favorite ice cream flavor, plus ginger, one of the best candies, tossed in to spice things up (literally, ha!). But with such a simple idea, so much can potentially go wrong - what if the ginger is too spicy, what if the cream is not creamy enough? Do you understand how fraught with madness this can become?

Thankfully, none of the downfall came to pass, for upon the first spoonful I was transported in a blissfully-gingeriffic-tea-flavored green heaven. My tongue shall never be the same! Nor shall I go back to the standard pints of green tea ice cream, the fools! Green tea + ginger! Forever!

11:21 am: It's complicated...
I've stumbled upon a problem in the facebook design that kind of bugs me. Having to do with the very conventional approach to relationship status that facebook supports, ex: no where in the list of facebook relationship statuses is there something for straight guys with heterolifemates, no where is there a met at a party and are attempting to make something work in a less sloshed environment and finding difficult, and no where is there any mention of geographical conflicts in an otherwise smoothly running interaction.

Furthermore: polyamory is screwed because as far as I can tell you can only place one person in the relationship status at a time.
monks/nuns/other devotes to God probably have it rough, although I suppose engaged with the Lord might work well as a substitute.
are narcissists hard pressed to show off their involvement with themselves?

There's probably more subtle nuances I'm missing. So why not help a brotha out? What about facebook makes you feel constrained by the limits of conventional society? Let's fix this beast.

01:00 pm: Bout it, bout it...
So the further I get from the bouts the harder it probably becomes to do these recaps, but I've got to do my best on our second bout, if simply because this was my favorite bout of the ones we were in all week.

( I seem to get carried away with these. )